Grace in the Stillness
When Rest Feels Uncomfortable
Recently, while sitting in the nail salon, I noticed myself mentally running through a list of people I hadn't checked on.
Family. Friends. Clients.
I sent a few messages before realizing I was holding my breath.
There wasn't an emergency. No one was waiting for me. I genuinely wanted to connect with the people I was thinking about, but the urgency I felt didn't match the moment.
I was supposed to be zoning out and relaxing.
Instead, my mind had found work.
When I put my phone down, my chest tightened. My heart rate increased. My brain immediately supplied more reasons to pick the phone back up.
And I wondered: Why does doing nothing feel so uncomfortable?
Maybe you know the feeling. You finally sit down and remember the laundry. You get into bed and start thinking about tomorrow. You have an unexpected hour to yourself and suddenly remember everyone you haven't called.
Your body has stopped, but your mind hasn't.
When Doing Helps Us Feel Better
The truth is, my default is to do.
Being still opens the door for every thought to be explored at once—the things I need to remember, people I'm thinking about, problems I haven't solved, and questions I'd really like answered.
Doing gives those thoughts somewhere to go.
If I'm worried, I research. If I'm wondering about someone, I reach out. If there's a problem, I start looking for a solution.
Even when I can't fix what I'm anxious about, doing something makes me feel like I'm moving closer to an answer.
And that relief can teach our brains something: When I feel anxious, I need to do something.
For me, that has created a sense of internal urgency that gets especially loud when I try to slow down.
What did I forget? Who haven't I checked on? What haven't I finished?
But if everything has to be handled before we can rest, rest will keep moving further away.
No One Taught Me How to Rest
I come from a family of doers. Before I can finish telling my mother about a problem, she's already hit Order on the Amazon item that might fix it. 😂
Some people love through doing. We help. We solve. We figure out what you need and, if possible, we take care of it.
But when doing is what you've always seen, being still can feel unfamiliar.
I know how to push through. I know how to think ahead, make a plan, and keep going. Rest, however, is something I am having to learn in real time.
Learning to Rest
Back at the nail salon, when I didn't send the next text— my chest felt uncomfortable. My thoughts got louder. But I resisted the urge to reach for my phone and sat still.
Eventually, my body settled and I was able to relax. Nothing had been resolved. But the urgency passed.
I learned in that moment that I can notice a thought without automatically turning it into a task.
If rest is difficult for you too, start small.
Pause before responding. Notice I need to do this and give yourself a few minutes before acting.
Capture instead of complete. If you're afraid you'll forget something, write it down. There's a difference between remembering a task and needing to complete it right now.
Give rest some structure. Take a bath. Sit outside with your coffee. Listen to music. Watch a show without simultaneously folding laundry. Rest doesn't have to begin with sitting silently in a room doing absolutely nothing.
Practice saying to yourself: This matters, and I don't have to take care of it this second.
With Grace in Mind
I'm not writing this as someone who has mastered rest.
But the moments when I've truly rested have shown me why I want to keep learning.
When the internal urgency quiets, I soften.
I'm more patient. More present. More able to show love and understanding instead of immediately moving on to whatever needs my attention next.
For a long time, I thought rest was primarily about recovering enough energy to return to doing.
Now I'm beginning to understand thatrest gives us the space to experience our lives instead of constantly managing them.
There will always be something else to do. Somaybe learning to rest isn't about finally reaching the end of that list.
Maybe it's learning that the list can exist without requiring our attention every moment.
And if rest feels uncomfortable for you, I hope you'll give yourself permission to learn it slowly. You don't have to finish everything, solve every problem, or quiet every thought before you're allowed to stop.
The work will still be there. The people you love will still need you. Life will keep moving.
But perhaps with a little more rest, you'll have more patience, presence, and peace available for all of it.
Give yourself some grace. You don't have to earn your rest. You just have to practice allowing yourself to receive it.
